Maybe It’s Not Imposter Syndrome … Maybe It’s Just Leadership …

Recently I caught myself wondering something uncomfortable.

Am I actually performing at the level I expect from myself?
From the outside, things look fine. Projects move forward, decisions get made, responsibilities grow.
Yet occasionally there’s a quiet doubt: How high of a performer am I… or have I simply been fortunate with timing, opportunities, and the people around me?

A while ago I would probably have called that feeling imposter syndrome.
Today I’m not so sure anymore.

The illusion of certainty

Once you spend enough time in leadership environments, a few things become obvious.

First: Nobody has the full picture.
Second: Most important decisions are made with incomplete information.
And third: Confidence is often performative.

Many leaders project certainty long before they actually feel it internally.

At some point you realize something slightly uncomfortable: Most people are not executing a perfectly defined plan.
They are navigating complexity in real time.

That realization can be strangely liberating, but also humbling.

Vulnerability and leadership

In The Power of Vulnerability, Brené Brown describes vulnerability not as weakness, but as the courage to show up without guarantees.

That definition resonates strongly with leadership.

Because leadership rarely comes with guarantees.

You make decisions without having all the answers.
You move forward without knowing the full outcome.
And occasionally you wonder whether you’re really doing as well as people around you might assume.

Admitting that uncertainty can feel uncomfortable, especially in environments where leaders are expected to project confidence.
But pretending certainty where it doesn’t exist isn’t leadership either.
The trap high performers fall into….

Something else I’ve noticed over time.
Many high-performing professionals have a tendency to internalize outcomes too quickly.
When something goes wrong, the instinctive reaction is often:

“Where did I misjudge this?”

That instinct comes from ownership. And ownership is a good thing.
But it can also create a misleading equation:

Outcome = my judgment

Reality is more complicated.

Outcomes are shaped by systems: strategy, execution, people, timing, market conditions, and sometimes plain randomness.
Your judgment is only one variable in that equation.
Recognizing that doesn’t remove responsibility.
But it does create a more honest perspective on causality.

Decision quality vs. outcome quality

One mental shift that has helped me is separating decision quality from outcome quality.
A good decision can still produce a bad outcome if circumstances change.
A poor decision can occasionally work because of luck.

If we evaluate ourselves purely on results, we risk learning the wrong lessons.

A better question is:

Was the reasoning sound given the information available?
Did we execute well?
What changed externally?

Only after that does it make sense to question your own judgment.

Why leadership discussions often drift.

Another observation: Many meetings quickly drift toward operational details.

Which tool should we use?
Who owns the task?
What timeline should we set?

But those questions sometimes appear before the real problem has been clearly defined.
Organizations naturally gravitate toward action. Action feels productive.

Yet leadership often requires something different: stepping back and clarifying the problem first.

Sometimes the most valuable contribution in a meeting is simply asking:

What problem are we actually solving?
What outcome are we trying to achieve?
Is this even the right initiative?

These questions may sound simple, but they often change the entire direction of the discussion.

The uncomfortable transition

Looking back, I think many professionals move through three phases in their career.

Performer
“I must prove I’m capable.”

Expert
“I must know more than others.”

Leader
“I must make decisions when nobody knows.”

The transition from expert to leader is not always comfortable.
Expertise gives certainty. Leadership often removes it.
And perhaps that’s where the feeling people call “imposter syndrome” sometimes appears.

Not because someone is incapable, but because the job itself has changed.

A more honest question

The more I reflect on it, the more I think the real challenge of leadership is not eliminating uncertainty.
It’s learning to operate with uncertainty.

For me, the question has gradually shifted, even though I often struggle…

Instead of asking:

“Am I good enough for this?”

A more useful question might be:

“Given what we know today, what is the best decision we can make now?”

And maybe the real question for many of us is this:

Is what we call imposter syndrome actually just the feeling of stepping into responsibility that is bigger than certainty?

Arcade Games

I’ve always believed that the best way to learn is to dive in. I had never used a circular saw, designed a piece of furniture, or built an arcade machine — but I decided to take on the challenge.

When the original blueprints proved inaccurate, I started from scratch, adapting the design step by step. It became an exercise in curiosity, creative problem-solving, and learning entirely new skills from the ground up.

Generative AI to create a realistic picture

Probably have seen this on Facebook. Here is the prompt:

Create a vertical 9:16 hyper-realistic bust portrait of a man (referencing attached image) reimagined as a fusion between human and T-1000 Terminator. The bust is showcased inside a premium transparent acrylic display case with a brushed gunmetal frame. Half of his face and upper torso are human, with realistic skin texture, classic Terminator facial scars, a rugged jawline, and a piercing gaze. The other half transitions into polished, mercury-like liquid metal with flowing chrome skeletal structures, glowing blue LED eye, exposed circuitry, and biomechanical musculature beneath translucent synthetic skin.

He wears a futuristic, battle-damaged leather jacket and a metallic-textured undershirt torn to reveal integrated machine components. Lighting inside the case is cinematic: cool bluish tones casting dramatic shadows and metallic reflections. The base is a glossy pedestal etched with “TERMINATOR serif typography. The scene is set within a sleek, minimalist designer studio—white desk, soft shadows, and high-end ambient daylight, evoking an ultra-premium film memorabilia exhibit from a dystopian future.”

The Hundred-Page Machine Learning Book

(2019-05-30)

A must read for ICT Managers to keep up with the latest trends. Even though you might have studied it at University. For me it has been a while…

Today’s top companies undergo the most significant transformation since industrialization. Artificial Intelligence disrupts industries, the way we work, think, interact. Gartner predicts that by 2020 AI will create 2.3 million jobs, while eliminating 1.8 million. Machine Learning is what drives AI. Experts in this domain are rare, employers fight for the ML-skilled talent. With this book, you will learn how Machine Learning works. A hundred pages from now, you will be ready to build complex AI systems, pass an interview or start your own business.

All you need to know about Machine Learning in a hundred pages

Supervised and unsupervised learning, support vector machines, neural networks, ensemble methods, gradient descent, cluster analysis and dimensionality reduction, autoencoders and transfer learning, feature engineering and hyperparameter tuning! Math, intuition, illustrations, all in just a hundred pages!

Power of Vulnerability

(2018-09-30)

Have read the book. Very interesting to read and learned new ways to do stakeholder management, knowing what is the ‘normal’, understanding ‘fault & shame’..

This is really a ‘must read’

Is vulnerability the same as weakness? ”In our culture,” teaches Dr. Brené Brown, ”we associate vulnerability with emotions we want to avoid such as fear, shame, and uncertainty. Yet we too often lose sight of the fact that vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, belonging, creativity, authenticity, and love.” On The Power of Vulnerability, Dr. Brown offers an invitation and a promise-that when we dare to drop the armor that protects us from feeling vulnerable, we open ourselves to the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives. Here she dispels the cultural myth that vulnerability is weakness and reveals that it is, in truth, our most accurate measure of courage. 

IMES DEXIS celebrating 50 years

IMES DEXIS celebrated their 50 years of business and asked for some testimonials.

Why it’s so nice to work here

Please don’t mind the strange face I’m making. This is only the way I look for half of the day, the other part I’m sleeping…

ELK Stack & Business Architecture Performance Metrics

(2017-08-30)

My teams just finished up a proof of concept using ELK stack, proving trends and safeguarding business by exposing inefficiencies in mission critical environment and fixing it.

There is now pro active alerting when systems tend to fall or go in a diminished performance state before they actually do. Better alerting than standard server/services monitoring !

Big data analyses at its’ best.

Next step is creating a cluster for robust and intense computations…

If you’re working in a DevOps env. focus on business metrics is key. However, you want to derive those metrics and the data to support your meeting those key performance indicators using tools that support effective collaboration with a minimum of misery.

(2017-10-30)

Full blown ELK stack cluster implementation ready and in production

If you want to read more: https://www.elastic.co/what-is/elk-stack

How to win friends and influence them

(2017-09-30)

This book really helped me in my current function/job. A great tool to understand people, what drives them, and how to interact with those that don’t see your point of view immediately

The most famous confidence-boosting book ever published; with sales of over 16 million copies worldwide!

Millions of people around the world have improved their lives based on the teachings of Dale Carnegie. In How to Win Friends and Influence People, he offers practical advice and techniques, in his exuberant and conversational style, for how to get out of a mental rut and make life more rewarding. 

His advice has stood the test of time and will teach you how to: 
– Make friends quickly and easily
– Increase your popularity
– Persuade people to follow your way of thinking
– Enable you to win new clients and customers
– Become a better speaker 
– Boost enthusiasm among your colleagues

This classic book will turn your relationships around and improve your interactions with everyone in your life.

Hybrid active/active VMWare data center with Huawei Network Systems

(2014/04/15)

Back in 2013, Huawei was not as well known in the SMB business as it is today. They really needed to get a foothold in the Benelux on that level. I was in need of a new local, small sized but performing data center. Huawei delivered a ‘no cure, no pay’ solution to handle traffic between the data nodes and the edge switches and the clients

Here is the case study:

An excerpt:

Brute Force Attack demonstrated

When I worked at a hospital, back in 2009 , I had trouble to introduce a basic security mindset with co-workers throughout the organization.

The term ‘think before you click’ and ‘safeguard your passwords’ was introduced, together with this video.

Here I devised a simple (single threaded) program on how to beat the Facebooks app Word Challenge.

When people looked at it, and when I showed them the firewall logs on how much we were targetted for hacking, an awareness was born.